Public Liability Insurance Jokes

To mark the start of 2012/3/5/5 etc and a prosperous New Year, we have compiled a list of (bad) public liability insurance jokes and rhymes, all of which are quite frankly dreadful. But, then again, insurance is a serious game, with little room for humour.

Disclaimer: the following rhymes and jokes are considered truly awful. Any nausea, vomiting or nosebleeds caused as a result of reading them are the reader's responsibility; the authors and this website cannot be held accountable. Please note that any references to mother in-laws are purely for fun and any similarities to real mother in-laws living or dead are purely coincidental and, if there are similarities, then you should seriously consider filing for divorce.

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There once was a man who got sued,
For selling contaminated food.
The public got wind,
Quite literally, it all hinged,
On getting his insurance renewed.

A public liability insurance expert walks into a bar.
The barman is nowhere to be seen.

A public liability insurance policy is like your mother in-law: it always tells you what you can't do.

How many public liability insurers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Answer: 50 (1 to screw it in, the other 49 to carry out a risk assessment).

A business in Kent,
Mis-interpreted Lent,
And a bystander took it to court.
Its workers retired,
The liability expired,
And the director got kicked out the door.

What's a hairdresser's favourite public liability insurance inclusion?
Answer: Infringement

What's the difference between your mother in-law and a public liability insurance claim?
Answer: Both are underlying causes of severe stress.

How can you tell if its time to get your public liability insurance renewed?
Answer: Your health and safety executive just electrocuted himself.

A lady from Clacton,
Came out of traction,
As she slipped on a florist's shop floor.
But the florist was covered,
And soon she discovered,
That liability's one hell of a chore.

Please note that the above jokes and rhymes were all submitted by public liability underwriters. That should give you an idea of their level of humour right there.

No public liability insurance underwriters were harmed during the writing of these jokes... though a great number of egos were bruised.

Another near failure